


May You Find Some Comfort Here

by erisgregory



Series: May You Find Some Comfort Here [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Flashbacks, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregory





	May You Find Some Comfort Here

"I need you to get everyone out of here; right now.  It’s late and if you see to it that everyone leaves I’ll handle clean up.”  Sebastian’s words were clipped and harsh but he wasn’t looking at Santana.  He was a million miles away.

“Fine.  I’ll clear the place out, I’ll even take Britt home, but you better call me if he needs anything.”  She punctuated this by pointing her finger at him.  Sebastian finally sung his head toward Santana and she narrowed her eyes at him.  He nodded and pushed off from the wall he’d been leaning against.

Santana was absolutely the one to trust with clearing out the crowd.  The years had mellowed her just enough that she could balance politeness and sternness so well that no one could take offense or argue.  She even managed to handle Burt and Carole who were both ready to stay the night despite the fact that Blaine had asked them not to and their luggage was all over at Rachel’s place.  

Sebastian worked diligently in the kitchen but he kept his ear trained out to the rest of the room.  He’d been most concerned about the Hudson-Hummels, but even Finn, who wasn’t staying at Rachel’s, seemed to think that leaving Blaine alone for the night was a good idea.  Rachel was a little more difficult, but Santana reminded her that she was going to be needed more and more in the next few days and she had company to take care of for now.  Cooper was promised breakfast at his hotel the next morning where he and Santana would work out a schedule for the coming week.  No one got past Santana to find Blaine.  Only one person made it to the kitchen to talk to Sebastian.

“Can I help?”  Wes asked.  His eyes looked worn and more than a little bruised around the edges.  Probably because he’d only made it out the day before and had refused to leave Blaine’s side, even to sleep last night.

“Yes, you can.”  Sebastian told him

Wes moved as though to come around the bar, but Sebastian held up his hands to stop him.  “You can go get some sleep.  Blaine needs everyone to be rested.”  Wes didn’t seem too convinced but Santana and Wes’ wife, Amanda, arrived then to back Sebastian up.

He left them to it.  Right now he had at least ten trays of picked at food that needed storing and freezing, and the last thing he could focus on was explaining why Wes needed to go back to his hotel now.  No one but Santana could handle the truth, which was that Blaine had wanted everyone gone.

Tomorrow he might feel differently, or in a few days, or next week.  Sebastian had very little expertise in these matters but he knew eventually Blaine would need his support system in place and when he did need them, they all needed to be ready.

Santana came back after a while when the last of the guests were gone.  Brittany trailed behind her and the two of them joined Sebastian in the clean up process for which he would be eternally grateful.  It was amazing how much food had been prepared and wasted, especially once you added in all the things the neighbors and coworkers had brought along.  The freezer was full to bursting.  Sebastian inspected their work again once it was all put away and he realized it was probably a good thing that Blaine wouldn’t have to cook for a long while.

No one spoke at all during this time.  Brittany wiped down counter tops, Santana bagged trash and loaded the dishwasher, and after the food was put away the three of them walked through the main room picking up discarded napkins and cups.  

“He would have hated this.”  Brittany said, seemingly out of the blue.  Santana and Sebastian both turned to her at the same time and found her waving a little napkin above the trash bag she was holding.  Sebastian could think of many things to hate about this situation, but Santana seemed to catch on faster than him, probably because she understood Brittany better than most.

“Paper napkins.”  She said to Brittany and then took the offending article from her and threw it away.

“At least they were a pretty color.”  Brittany said softly and Sebastian had to look away from them as their eyes passed emotions back and forth that Sebastian couldn’t bear right now.

“Alright, time for me and Britt to get home.  You planning on staying?”  Santana set aside their trash bags and Brittany went to grab their coats from the closet.  

“Blaine told me to get rid of everyone.  I assume he meant me as well.”  Santana didn’t say anything but she didn’t move either.

“I’m going to go check on him first, and I’ll be here much earlier than he’ll want me in the morning, I promise.  Now go.”  Sebastian gestured off to Britt who was now sniffling near the door.  Santana nodded at him once and then she and Brittany were out the door and Sebastian locked it behind them.

His first instinct was to lean there against the door and avoid facing Blaine.  Not because Blaine didn’t need checking on and not because Sebastian couldn’t face him right now.  Only because he knew he couldn’t give Blaine the one thing he needed; Kurt.

* * *

  
Sebastian’s mind made the connection to the only other time he’d been there for Blaine when Blaine had really needed Kurt instead.  It was the summer before Kurt left for New York.  The three of them kept running into each other, and what started out as somewhat awkward and purely accidental run-ins at the Lima Bean soon turned purposeful.  Before any of them could question it much they were applying for summer jobs together, going to see plays at the community theater, and driving out to volunteer at the LGBT Center in Columbus.  

Blaine and Kurt offered their friendship hesitantly in the beginning but Sebastian came to find very soon that both of them were the kind of people everyone needed around.  Sure they still argued a lot and each of them had ways of getting on the other’s nerves easily, but it was just as easy to let everything slide off with a few well chosen jabs and a round of laughter.  Sebastian learned a lot about himself that summer.  

However, as the summer days dwindled and the time for Kurt to leave for NYADA grew closer, Blaine and Kurt sequestered themselves away, holding on to the last of their time together.  Oh they would still see each other, of course, but it would be months in between, and long phone calls, and Skype, and Sebastian understood this.  It did hurt in a small way.  He wasn’t jealous that they needed this time alone; he just understood that they had something together that he had never experienced; that he wasn’t a part of.

When Kurt left, Blaine was a wreck.  Kurt had convinced him not to come to New York for their goodbye.  It was hard enough; he’d explained, leaving Blaine and starting over in a new place. He couldn’t face the idea that his first memories of a new city would be of saying goodbye to Blaine.  Blaine respected it but he hated it all the same because it took Kurt away from him sooner than he would have liked.

Blaine and Sebastian spent the last two weeks of that summer watching every horror flick known to man and some that shouldn’t have been known to anyone ever.  Blaine spent a vast amount of time being on the phone with Kurt and an equally large portion of time crying and talking about Kurt to Sebastian, all of which Sebastian forgave because how could he not?  Blaine kept close to Sebastian, and Sebastian accepted then that what Blaine needed was Kurt really, and not him, but it wasn’t as painful as he expected it to be.  It mostly just felt natural and by the time school started back up Sebastian didn’t feel any lingering hurt at what Blaine and Kurt had.  He wasn’t on the outside looking in, he was their friend and they needed him around as much as he needed them.  

Senior year was interspersed with Blaine taking off to NYC for the weekend and Sebastian fielding phone calls for the two of them when they got too stressed to speak gently to one another.  Plans were made and changed and The Warblers wound up at Nationals instead of The New Directions, but then, finally it was over.  Exactly ten months since Kurt left for the big city, Blaine followed him and had Sebastian in tow as well.  

* * *

  
Sebastian headed across the open space that separated the kitchen and the bedroom, turning off a few lights as he went.  He would get the rest in the room before he left.  Kurt insisted this was the great room, but really in a loft like this it was all one great room.  Two years ago when they’d moved in, Sebastian had joined the team of friends and family that helped build out the wall that separated their bedroom and bathroom from the rest of the place.  They had one other half bath for guests, and the pull out sofa served as the guest sleeping quarters.  Blaine explained this was actually their way of deterring overnight guests who might be traveling in from out of state to visit.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Blaine meant his family and not the Hudson-Hummels or any of their other friends.  It must have worked like a charm because Sebastian had never once known the Andersons to stay anywhere aside from a hotel during a visit.

Outside the bedroom door, Sebastian knocked softly.  Blaine didn’t answer.  He waited just a few seconds before easing the door open very slowly and peering in.  Blaine was in one of the two chairs by the window, leaning so that he could look out.  He didn’t turn around when he spoke.

“Are they gone?”  Blaine’s voice was rough and that made Sebastian chest ache for him, thinking of him in here alone for the past hour or so.

“I’m the last one.  I just came to check in before I headed out.”  Sebastian crossed the dark wood floor and stood a few feet back from Blaine’s chair, wanting to give him the space he’d asked for earlier.

Blaine’s head snapped quickly around.  “Don’t go.  I mean, stay.  Can you?”  Blaine was a little wide eyed and Sebastian came on around the end of the bed and sat down on the bench there at the foot of it.

“Of course, I just didn’t want to assume.  I know you needed a break from everyone.”

Blaine visibly relaxed at this.  “I just couldn’t take one more well-intentioned embrace or condolence, but…”  Blaine gestured around at the room as his voice trailed off.  “I’m not actually ready to be here by myself.”

“I’m here then; for however long.”  Sebastian told him.  Blaine accepted this with a watery almost smile that was gone so fast it might never have really been there.

They ended up on the sofa in the other room because Blaine had taken one step toward the bed and almost lost it.  Sebastian had him sipping on a bottle of apple juice because he hadn’t eaten in more than a day, but he knew better than to push food just yet. He’d wrapped Blaine in the fuzzy blue throw from the couch and had even bent down to untie Blaine’s shoes and remove them.  Sebastian was already out of his shoes.  They didn’t talk about it but it reminded Sebastian of that moment earlier with the paper napkins.  

Kurt didn’t like people wearing shoes through the loft.  It was unsanitary, he’d explained, but everyone knew the real reason was the newly purchased and very expensive wood floors.  The only time shoes were ever permitted was for a party or when a new person came by.  Everyone else was expected to remove their shoes right inside the door and place them in the provided cubby.  Sebastian simply set Blaine’s aside for now.  They needed to be in the closet on the shoe rack, but that could wait.

Sebastian made to sit down on the other end of the couch, still offering a small space for Blaine if he needed it, but Blaine reached out his hand and pulled Sebastian so that they were sitting next to each other.  Blaine didn’t let go, but held Sebastian’s hand tightly in his own.  Mutely Blaine passed his mostly empty bottle of juice to Sebastian who capped it and set it carefully on the end table.

“I don’t know how to be without him.”  Blaine said softly.  Sebastian just squeezed his hand because he knew deep down there was nothing he could say to that.  He didn’t know what to do without Kurt either, but it wasn’t even close to the same thing.

* * *

  
College had been some of the hardest and happiest years of Sebastian’s life.  He’d been accepted to Cornell’s music department whereas Blaine surprised a few people by choosing the theater arts program at Columbia University.  Both of them were required to live on campus the first year, but Blaine was just happy to be in the same city as his boyfriend and Sebastian was happy to be accepted into their bubble of joy as well.

Santana joined them shortly thereafter from Long Island to attend NYU Law on an accelerated program.  The five of them together; Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, Sebastian, and Santana made for an interesting group of friends, but for whatever reason it worked, right from the start.  Even so, Sebastian felt closest to Kurt and Blaine and they always made sure to include him when they could.  Santana took to calling them the gay musketeers but after a while no one bothered to fight her on it. That first year was mostly about adjusting and surviving and learning everything the others had already picked up, but it was thrilling, every bit of it.   

Sebastian worked hard and played harder.  He took a job in a vintage record store, which Blaine thought was brilliant compared to his job at the coffee house.  Everyone else had worked their way up a bit from their first jobs, but Sebastian was okay with that.  He began dating almost right away and, much to Kurt and Blaine’s chagrin, he fell in and out of love quickly and not without a few sincere tears.  Of course he told them exactly what they could do with themselves and their teasing, but he was never really serious about it.  

The next year he stayed on campus but Blaine moved in with Kurt and Rachel moved out to live with her boyfriend.  Things might have been awkward with anyone else but nothing changed for the three of them.  Sebastian spent many a night passed out on Kurt and Blaine’s sofa after they’d all stayed out too late drinking or he’d just needed not to feel alone.  They made it clear to him that their home was always open to him.

Kurt’s graduation, and well Santana’s and Rachel’s as well, meant many changes for the group.  Kurt and Rachel were living insane schedules tied around work, auditions, voice lessons, and dance lessons.  Santana was taking an internship at a law firm and she and Brittany were reconciled and beginning a long distance relationship that everyone else believed meant that Brittany would actually be moving to New York soon.  Blaine and Sebastian each had their own struggles and Sebastian was in his first relationship that lasted more than two months.  Seven months in total to be exact.  No one teased him when Miles broke his heart.

Even so, even through all the hard work and the insane schedules and the occasional heartache, Sebastian loved every crazy minute of university life.  He was doing what he’d always wanted, he was living in the most amazing city, and he was surrounded by the best of friends.  Two months after graduation, Kurt proposed to Blaine, and Santana and Rachel both had to pay Sebastian on a bet the three of them had made years before.  The Hummel-Anderson wedding was the event of the season and Sebastian had front row seats as Blaine’s best man.  He didn’t cry in front of everyone the way that Rachel did, but Sebastian did feel that everything was right now in the world.  No matter what the future brought, there would always be Blaine and Kurt, Kurt and Blaine, his two best friends in all the world.

* * *

  
“I’m glad everyone came in color.”  Blaine interrupted Sebastian’s thoughts.  They’d both been quiet for a long stretch of time.  Sebastian looked over at Blaine but Blaine was staring out into the empty room as if he wasn’t really seeing anything.

“My father even wore navy with that yellow tie.  I think that surprised me the most.”  Blaine turned then and met Sebastian’s eyes.

“I’m pretty sure Rachel had something to do with that.  I know she was in touch with a lot of the out of town people before they arrived.”  Sebastian admitted and Blaine just nodded thoughtfully.  That was exactly the sort of thing Rachel would do.  It was what Kurt wanted and she had made damn sure it happened.

They settled back into silence together, shifting on the sofa so that they were leaning back.  Blaine still had Sebastian’s hand and for some reason Sebastian felt as though he were the one being comforted now.

“I might sell the loft.”  Blaine said after a time.  Sebastian had been expecting something like this to come up sooner or later but maybe not this soon.  He hadn’t quite worked through what his answer to this would be but as Blaine’s head rolled on the back of the couch to so that they faced each other, Sebastian knew he would have to say something.  Blaine was waiting.

“You do whatever you need to do, Blaine, but I think you should take a little time making that decision; if you can.  Either way, I’ll help however I can.”  

Neither of them talked about why Blaine might need to move.  Beyond the obvious reason that this was his home with Kurt, and Kurt was never coming home again, was the fact that this place embodied Kurt.  Sebastian cast his eyes around the room.  The subtly colored walls, the carefully placed artwork, the pieces of furniture picked from so many different places that Sebastian honestly couldn’t remember them all, and the precious wood floors.  The design of the loft was simple and open and inviting, and every last detail belonged to Kurt; from the hand sown curtains in the bedroom to the re-stained shelves housing their books and Blaine’s cameras.  Sure Blaine’s things were here, but Kurt had taken stuff and made a home.

“Thanks, I really don’t know what I’m doing but right now, it just feels so impossible; impossible to stay here and impossible to leave.  This was our first real home.  Moving out of that crappy apartment he’d been sharing with Rachel, moving here, it meant something.  It meant we’d made it.”  Blaine curled into Sebastian’s shoulder then and Sebastian tugged him close under his arm.  “Kurt had us on a plan too.  He wanted to finish all sorts of renovations and then he wanted to sell it and get a bigger place; a place big enough to have a family in.”  

Blaine’s voice sounded far away and his body felt cold.  The loft was warm enough and Blaine was still wrapped in the throw, but he was almost shivering against Sebastian and his cheek was cold through Sebastian’s shirt.

“Do you want me to get another blanket?”  Sebastian asked softly.

“Yeah, thanks.”  Blaine sat up so that Sebastian could stand.  He took off to the linen closet and pulled out sheets, a blanket, and a couple of pillows so he could make up the fold out bed whenever Blaine was ready.  The sheets smelled like lavender and Sebastian guessed that somewhere in the linen closet was at least one of Kurt’s lavender sachets.  He knew from an impromptu and exhaustive lesson in aromatherapy that these sachets contained several different herbs, but since they smelled mostly of lavender that was the herb that stuck in Sebastian’s mind.  Inhaling deeply once more, Sebastian worked to swallow his pain and then he headed back to Blaine.  Sebastian didn’t know if staying here or leaving would be best for Blaine, but he could appreciate how impossible the decision really was.

* * *

  
“We got it!”  Sebastian knew what Kurt meant but he still couldn’t resist playing dumb, of only for a moment.

“What are you talking about?”  He asked coyly, his cell pressed tight to his ear.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about!”  Kurt’s chastisement might have been more effective if he weren’t squealing like a teenage girl and laughing at something Blaine was saying in the background.  “We got the loft, it’s ours!”  

Sebastian had to join the laughter because it was sort of infectious.  He couldn’t quite pinpoint when he’d last heard Kurt sound that way but he realized it was something he’d been missing.

“Congratulations!”  Sebastian told him.

“You have to come out with us tonight, we’re celebrating!”  Kurt told him and then proceeded to seal the deal by promising live music and tequila, two things they hadn’t made time for in forever really.  Sebastian agreed to meet them which made Kurt squeal again before he hung up.

Celebrating the achievement with them had been amazing.  Helping them move in was another matter altogether.  Kurt just so happened to be between shows, and Sebastian’s career as a musical therapist made for a somewhat flexible schedule.  However Blaine had pretty strict teaching hours which included late office hours every Wednesday and still worked several other nights each week doing workshops with younger kids; even some on Saturday.  Santana was mired down with a fairly high profile discrimination case, and Rachel had her first honest to goodness Broadway role, small as it may be, and she had several performances a week plus rehearsals.  Brittany offered her help but Kurt turned her down gently, later telling Sebastian that the last time Brittany had packed she’d wrapped magazines in bubble wrap and left dishes piled together in boxes without protection.  All of this left the bulk of the work with Sebastian and Kurt who refused to trust his precious belongings to hired movers.

It came as no surprise to Sebastian that he had an exact way of packing and of moving and also of unpacking.  It might have been annoying if it weren’t so typically Kurt.  Sebastian just rolled his eyes any time Kurt complained and patiently reminded his friend that he could be doing this alone or with strangers if he preferred.  Kurt had not preferred that.

After all of that was done it was time for new furniture to fill the wide open spaces of the loft, then the hundreds of other little things Kurt would end up deciding he needed.  Sebastian took it all in stride.  He shopped with Kurt and helped pick out paint when Blaine told him all the colors were starting to look the same, and even helped Blaine and Kurt paint when the time came.  He was there when they finished off the bedroom and he was there the night Kurt finally announced that everything was just right.  Even Sebastian couldn’t find fault with the work Kurt had done.  The loft was now a home and it was beautiful.

* * *

  
“Here.”  Sebastian stowed the pile of sheets and pillows on one of the chairs, but he tucked the blanket around Blaine and then sat back down beside him.  Blaine immediately leaned against him again and Sebastian put his arm around his friend’s shoulders.

Blaine’s trembling turned into shaking, and Before Sebastian could wrap both arms around him, he was sobbing.

“I can’t do this; I don’t know how to do this!”

Sebastian pulled him as close as he could and Blaine responded by clinging to his side, his head tucked down on Sebastian’s chest.  There were no words Sebastian could offer right now.  It felt too disingenuous to say it would be okay, because it definitely was not okay.  Instead he rubbed his hand up and down Blaine’s back and allowed Blaine to lose the control he’d held onto so tightly over the last few days.

Blaine buried his face against Sebastian and his tears began to soak through Sebastian’s shirt.  There was something so completely hopeless about the way Blaine cried now that it made Sebastian want to give in and cry too.  He didn’t let it all out then though, he wanted to be strong for Blaine the way Blaine had been strong for everyone else.  

After some shifting Blaine’s arms moved from being wrapped around Sebastian’s chest to being wound around his neck and Blaine pressed in closer, his head now tucked under Sebastian’s chin. He continued to sweep one hand up and down Blaine’s back while his friend came apart in his arms.  Sebastian didn’t know how long they stayed like that, with Blaine locked around him, but it was long enough for the muscles in his neck and shoulders to begin to ache.  

Blaine was still wracked by sobs but he scrambled around in Sebastian’s arms and Sebastian didn’t have time to react before Blaine was tugging his head down to kiss him.  He did react after that though.  He pulled back without really letting go of Blaine because he didn’t know what Blaine might do next.

“Blaine.”  Sebastian said softly.  Blaine was still weeping and shaking all over, but he appeared to be trying to swallow back his cries.  His red rimmed eyes pleaded with Sebastian and it was all so raw, right there before him, it hurt to look at.

“Please.”  He said.  Sebastian was shaking his head; slowly, trying to pull Blaine back down so he could hold him.  He could give that much to Blaine at least.  Blaine wasn’t budging.  His eyes closed for just a minute as he sucked in his breath but then they opened again as he pleaded.

“Please.”  Blaine’s fingers were sliding through Sebastian’s hair, trying to pull him forward.  “Just, please?”  He climbed almost into Sebastian’s lap, moving with enough suggestion that his intent couldn’t be mistaken.

“No, Blaine, no.  We’re not going to.  You don’t really want me.”  Sebastian kept his voice slow and calm.  Blaine was scaring the hell out of him right now, but he wasn’t about to heap any hurt on the hurt that already existed.  Even so, he knew he couldn’t give this to Blaine.  Not now; maybe not ever.  Not when his mind, and Sebastian’s, was filled with only one thing.  Kurt, Kurt.

“I do really need you, though.”  Blaine argued brokenly.

* * *

  
“Mr. Smythe, Blaine Hummel-Anderson, line two.  He says it’s an emergency.”  There was something in Linda’s normally reserved tone that would have cued Sebastian in fairly quickly if the fact that Blaine saying it was an emergency hadn’t already.  He cut his call off short and hit the button for line 2.

“Blaine.”  He said.

“I’m at Mount Sinai.  You gotta get here, please, get here fast.  It’s Kurt.”  Blaine was wildly hysterical so Sebastian was already up out of his chair when he asked, “What happened?”

“Hs heart, he collapsed, they won’t tell me anything we just got here and they took Kurt back and I’m just standing here and- “

“Blaine I’m on my way, I have my cell, I’ll be right there.”  Sebastian gave Linda some hurried orders about the rest of the day and the possibility for more to follow for tomorrow and then he was out of the office and making his way quickly outside to get a cab.

During the ride over Sebastian managed to hold himself together long enough to reach both Rachel and Santana and put to Rachel to the task of reaching everyone else.

Blaine was pacing the ER waiting room when Sebastian got there and he didn’t hesitate to go straight into Sebastian’s arms.  Sebastian was aware of the group of people obviously concerned for Blaine, but he could only focus on his friend right now.

“Any news yet?”  Sebastian asked, his own fear only just barely contained.

“No, nothing, I keep asking and they keep telling me someone will let me know as soon as they can.”  Blaine allowed Sebastian to pull him over to a couple of chairs and sit.

“I’m sure they will then.”  Sebastian’s response was automatic.  What he was actually sure of was the fact that if someone didn’t tell them something soon or let Blaine go back to see Kurt, they were going to have to deal with Sebastian and it wasn’t going to be pretty.

“What happened, Blaine, you told me he collapsed?”  Sebastian couldn’t help but ask, even if Blaine didn’t know everything.

“He was at rehearsal, and you know how hard he’s been working, and then he was complaining to Jess that his chest hurt and she said it looked like he couldn’t catch his breath.  Then he was just out, he just collapsed on the floor and wasn’t breathing at all and Jess called me to tell me they had called 911, and Andy was giving him CPR, and to meet them here.”  Blaine reached out for Sebastian’s hand.

Sebastian looked across to the group gathered in the chairs right across from them.  He thought he recognized Jess, but he couldn’t really place anyone else from the theater.  Of course he’d seen Kurt’s show.  Ever since he’d finally made it to Broadway, Sebastian had seen every one of his shows.  Blaine and Sebastian had even been taking turns making sure one of them was there every night for the past three weeks.  Not once had Kurt seemed sick or tired to Sebastian.  He thought he could read the same conclusion on everyone else’s face.  Everyone was in shock.  

“For Hummel-Anderson?”  A young doctor stood at the edge of the room with a clipboard.  Blaine and Sebastian went to her immediately.  The doctor looked back and forth between the two of them for a second.  “Which of you is his husband?”

“I am, is he okay?”  Blaine asked.

“He’s stable right now, but he’s suffered heart attack.”  Blaine grabbed again for Sebastian’s hand.  “I’m going to take you back now to see him but we’re not out of the woods yet so we’ll need some medical history from you and any related family history as soon as you’re done.”  

Sebastian let Blaine slip out of his hand to follow the doctor through the double doors and he turned around to see the rest of the group just as Rachel got there.  They waited another hour to hear anything more.  By then Kurt’s family were booking flights and Santana and Brittany were there as well as a couple of other friends.  A nurse came out to get Sebastian finally, and he promised everyone else that he would hurry back and give a report.  Rachel was frantic but she let him go.

Sebastian hadn’t known really what to expect but it was still a shock to find Kurt hooked up to all sorts of monitors, and Blaine clinging to his hand as if he would never let go.  He did look up when Sebastian came in.

“I wanted to come tell everyone, but I can’t leave.  He keeps…”  Blaine looked back to Kurt for a second.  “His heart keeps stopping.”

Sebastian came around the bed to stand next to Blaine so he could be closer to both of them.  “Do they know why?”  Sebastian couldn’t make sense of any of this and he knew Blaine couldn’t either.

“They said something about the lining of his heart.  They ran a bunch of tests that we’re waiting for, but from what I can tell they think this is something he was born with, and it’s only just now showing up.”  Blaine was shaking his head slowly and Sebastian was trying so hard not to lose it right now.

“They told me he might not make it much longer if they can’t get his heart to stabilize.”  

Sebastian stayed as long as he thought he could get away with and then he kissed Kurt’s forehead and promised Blaine he was still close by, but he needed to go tell everyone what was going on.  Blaine let him leave, his focus entirely on his husband.

Kurt’s heart gave out almost exactly twenty four hours later.  Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, the doctors concluded.  Sebastian tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that his best friend had died surrounded by the people that loved him, but there was no real comfort to be had.  A light had gone from the world and nothing and no one would ever replace it.

* * *

  
“I’m here, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t.”  Sebastian was as gentle as he could be, but Blaine sagged against him sobbing once more.

“I’m so lost.”  Blaine cried and Sebastian pressed his lips to the top of his head.

Eventually Sebastian was able to pull Blaine down so that he was pressed between the back of the couch and Sebastian’s chest and when his crying slowed down and finally stopped; he slept.  Sebastian was relieved that Blaine was getting some sleep now but it left him alone with his own thoughts, and his own grief.

* * *

  
“You came, I’m so glad you’re here!  Tonight sucks.”  Sebastian threw his arms around Kurt as they walked to the cab together.

“Someone had to save you from another drunken and heartfelt rendition of My Immortal.”  Kurt pushed his head down so he wouldn’t hit it on the roof of the cab as he slid in.

“But that’s my song; it ought to be my theme song.  Everyone always leaves.”  Sebastian was soon in tears and it was a struggle for Kurt to get him up to the building, into the lift, and onto the sofa.

Kurt wound up holding on to him as he cried himself out and arguing with him gently when he dissolved into a litany of reasons he’d never find the right guy and how he’d always be alone.

“You’ll find him one day.  I know you will, and until then, you’re not alone.  You have me and you have Blaine and we will never ever leave you.”

The next day, hung-over and somewhat shamed by his display, Sebastian woke to Kurt making breakfast, Blaine already gone for the day.  “Thanks.”  He told Kurt as he came around the bar to see if he could he could help.  “You really are too good to me.”

Kurt had laughed him off so easily.  “You’re one of my best friends, and I know you’ll always do anything for me, and for Blaine.  We have to take care of each other.”

“You’re right, we do.”  Sebastian had agreed when Kurt pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before getting back to work on breakfast.

* * *

  
Sebastian would take care of Blaine as best he could, always.  They had each other.  It might not be enough, but it was something.  He spent a long time holding Blaine, finally letting himself weep softly as he thought of what taking care of Blaine might mean and the many ways their lives would never ever be the same.  Later, when all the tears dried on his cheeks, Sebastian drifted off to sleep to dreams of bright sea colored eyes and laughter that could warm the coldest heart.


End file.
